Dangerous toilets is an unfortunate but true reality we face as humans. Not just the stuff of urban legend, toilet-related injuries and toilet-related deaths both do occur and more often than one might think.

 Potty Training is not Easy

Perhaps most at risk when it comes to dangerous toilets are children. In 2013, The New York Daily News reported more than one thousand little boys suffer injuries by falling toilets seats each year. Apparently, due to their short height, lack of potty training, and therefore lack of experience and know-how with potty anatomy, and because of their undeveloped motor skills as well, little boys have much at steak any time they go to go potty. The most frequent type of specific injury to little boys is, battered genitals from falling toilet seats..

Although not nearly as likely to occur as what I’d just described, children may also be at true risk of drowning in toilets. In such cases it’s not limited just to boys of course, but is somewhat limited though just to very young children, mainly toddlers, children under the age of three. Children around that age seem as at great risk of drowning by any several different kinds of scenarios, but in terms of toilets, consider knowing that between 1996 and 1999, sixteen children in the United States under the age of five died drowning after falling headfirst into open toilets.

You can take the Boy off the Potty, But you’ll still hurt yourself on the Potty

Just because you’re a big boy doesn’t mean you’re safe from dangerous toilets. Lots of big boys and big girls as well do hurt themselves on the potty. Of the more commonplace types of injuries on the list of toilet-related injuries, the most frequent might be a bruised buttocks or tailbone. Should such an injury happen to you, perhaps you spend too much time sitting on your toilet. If so, well, try and not do that anymore.

Also try and be careful of where you step when walking in your bathroom. Wet floors, as well as limited open space, makes walking in a bathroom at times risky. If you slip and fall, you don’t ever want your toilet to catch you obviously. Those things tend to be pretty strong and hard. Many people have badly hurt or even killed themselves falling onto their toilets. Don’t ever do that.

Another common type of injury on potties is, dislocated hips from unknowingly dropping to sit upon toilet bowl rims. Toilet seats are a very important instrument of toilets, of course, and are indeed much different than toilet seat covers. Always make sure to not fall on a rim and bust your hip. Be smart, don’t be a statistic.

Even if you are careful enough to always look before you sit, don’t just look, inspect. If your seat’s made of plastic, check it for cracks. The pressure of your full weight + cracked plastic toilet seat = your flesh pinching in pain. Not everyone might have the luxury of owning ceramic toilet seats, so sitting on plastic’s nothing to be ashamed of if you do, but sitting on a cracked plastic toilet seat should be sign enough that you need to change at least a few things in your life, so might as well make a new toilet seat be as one of those things. If you’re sitting on wood, however, then you’re pretty old school that’s for sure, but you’re still not necessarily better off. Splinters are known to happen from wooden toilet seats, so definitely check that wood grain before you sit.

Speaking of old school, if you’re really old school, and I mean really old school, like you literally give your teachers apples old school, then perhaps your toilet consists in parts a cast-iron cistern and pulling-chain to flush. If you do have one of those, and believe it or not a few people still do, make sure you keep it well maintained to ensure that pulling-chain never detaches, not only from off the cistern, but also from pulling the cistern right off the wall and falling directly onto your head or body. Just update your toilet, really, there’s nothing impressive about having an antique toilet anyway. It’s just dangerous.

So if by reading this you find your toilet may perhaps be susceptible to causing you harm, then good, glad to help you spot the problem before it becomes an injury. So make all adjustments as needed, run to the store and buy what you need. Make cost be no limitation to protect and ensure the comfort and safety of yourself and your family. Hell, go all out and get full porcelain, those are the best.

Word of caution, though, to full porcelain owners, if your toilet’s antique porcelain, then its not good porcelain. Don’t end up like those guys did. And like I’ve said, whatever you get, do get a good one this time, not just whatever’s the cheapest — injuries caused from shitty toilets seats, and toilet seat covers — and from bad toilet bowls, collapsing beneath human weight — as you can see, are not unprecedented — I’ve heard about fatalities, even, albeit those are rare.

Sometimes, some things, prove as more fact than fiction

Even if you do have a good and great toilet, and you’re cautious and educated in proper toilet safety, you can still get injured, but the okay news is these types of injuries are less than rare, they’re actually freak.

The first type of freak toilet-related injuries are those which are maliciously done by humans to each other. I’m talking about toilet bombing. However, toilet bombing is largely a myth. In fact, the show Mythbuster’s busted it in 2003. But I still see news reports on it from time to time. So I won’t confirm it personally as one way or the other.

The second type of freak injuries are injuries caused by animals finding their way into or around your toilet. Depending on where you live, this is more or less a real concern to keep at least aware of. Southern black widow spiders for example, which live in the Southeastern United States, are known to sometimes home and web in and or around toilets. This only happens though with two groups of toilets, toilets that are kept in seldom use, and toilets that are kept outdoors, such as public toilets kept inside sheds or behind un-insulating doors, such as what one might find on a campground or on the premises of a public park, and urinals also just as well. Those kinds of toilets lure black widows because they also lure insects which black widows eat. So, if you do live in Southeastern United States, and ever find yourself using one of such toilets, do some good inspecting beforehand because those spiders are very venomous, rarely fatal, but never fun to suffer with.

Another example of a toilet-related injury by animals, and this one pertains to rats. Most reports of its ever happening turn out to be false (thank god), and thusly go on to be urban legends. But the real thing, though, has happened in fact, at least once, so, there’s no reason to rule out it ever happening again. Pretty much all the stories on toilet-related injuries involving animals, turn out as just stories and nothing more, which is good, because there’s already too much to worry about with toilets as it is.