Funeral Crasher

It wasn’t very long I’d spent in the great beyond.

But the world without me for any time has proved to all an eternity.


Inspired by my two wonderful children, Joey, and Bub.

And, to my surprise, the cold indifference of their friend Petunia.

Who had always wanted to be a part of the family.

The sight of her yawing over her iphone

during my funeral was enough to convince even god himself,

the time for me to choke and die on a sandwich must be delayed.


With a snap of his fingers I was reanimated, and my life resumed.

I stretched out of my coffin as if rising to greet a new day.

To the utter amazement of everyone in attendance, of course.

Naturally I was confused to find myself dressed up in a coffin.

And my skin hardened in fluids of the mortician.


I felt a slight pain in my heart, and as I reached to it,

determined a slight but definite shape protruding in the breast pocket.

It was a note from god. And it read:


My great and wonderful son,

if ever you feel the spirit dying,

remember the fall is shorter than the jump.

My great and wonderful son.

I fucking love you.
That’s what he said!



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