The church, quite simply, is a religious institution founded upon the story of Christ, but for the atheist the church is a scapegoat, an enemy of human progress, and the only religious institution worthy of focus. Atheists despise the church because they cannot see the church is a straw man. Not in the idiomatic sense. The church is the man, in the proverbial sense, or at least once it was, but the man today is made of straw. The man is made of straw because the church today is now a soft authority––a functional scarecrow that coerces human behavior with claims of Heaven and Hell counterbalanced by the indication of a tough but just God who can make our dreams come true. The church is a scarecrow for certain. Accounting for the exclusion of one idiomatic platitude, the church is a straw man in so many senses that even Christ himself presents upon a crucifix, just like a literal scarecrow. The atheist is a crow who thinks he’s figured it out. Christ’s legend transcends his true mortality, the atheist decides. Amazingly, he tends to still obey the 10 commandments, but he says that he is liberated. Strike one.

Atheists love humanism because humans have hardwired for finding meaning in existence. Religion fills this function; with or without religion, empathy is bread and water, and the currency of love; be good to your fellow man is a religionized precedent of humanity that likely shall not be replaced by any new idea. What’s funny is, atheists try to stake claims in humanism for the metaculture that atheism is; it exists in the mind. Bon appetit.

My personal theory on the common pathology of atheism, details as follows… Though consciously, atheists fabricate whatever ostensibly righteous excuses they may offer, unconsciously atheists desire God to be real––more than any of us––but they are so devastated by doubt, they lash out at God in, let’s face it, cowardice. An anti prayer: atheism is that little boy who trash talks the monster in his closet at night before he goes to bed because he finally understands it isn’t in there; the idea still gives him the willies, so it helps him feel better if he demonstrates his control. An atheist is someone who thinks he’s special because he embraces his mortality in a meaningless universe. Because it required such strength and courage for him to do so, right. He really is something, isn’t he? Meanwhile while we believe in ideas like hell. Atheists are soft. Softer than applesauce.